Drives

Is there something about the open air? I think it’s common practice to go for a walk to clear your head but why does driving seem to do the trick so much more thoroughly? There are days where my thoughts are all-consuming and it feels as if my insides could physically burst through my skin. Then I climb into the car and open the windows, drive to a country area and my mind seems to right itself. Wanting to drive forever is the only catch… I never want to turn back. Maybe that the Sagittarius in me?

Being in my early 30s is sometimes more obvious to me than others. I think because I work with a lot of people who are in their early 20s, it makes me forget I’m not alike. Maybe I’m similar in mentality in some ways – no scratch that – I can empathize with their thoughts and experiences so it causes me to feel like I’m still living in my youth. But lately the reality that I am not their age is hitting home.

I have crossed off some of the typical to-dos for my age: university, travel, enagaged, moved out, married, etc. And yet being sans-baby makes me feel like I am an aged-20-something. I sometimes feel like I’m still trying to find myself.

Do we ever stop finding out more about who we are though? Maybe not. I suppose I feel wiser and even more self-aware and somehow that translates to more self-involved than I’d like to be? I am trying to weasle out why I think child-minding would push me to feel more my age. I can’t really suss that out because it prompts me to think, why would I want to feel my age? My upper eyelids (you know the bit of skin above your crease) are already starting to droop a little bit, so if I’m starting to look my age, it’s probably better I don’t feel my age haha

The drive today brought me back from all these pressures I feel internally. Smelling the summer air, feeling the heat of the sun – it calmed my thoughts. I guess it brought me into the present moment. It didn’t make me forget the desires I do have that are deeply bound to who I am, but it took that explosive feeling away so I could arrive back home with a stronger sense of who I am and what I’m headed.

My conclusion is that when you feel overwhelmed try to leave the area of which you are to see a different vista, which will trigger different thoughts. Removing the fog and creating clarity. 20s may be when most people live it up and seek out a direction , but I think 30s are when you feel your internal compass direct you for the right drive.

xox francie